


i know i've kissed you before (can i try again?)

by likeastranger



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, communication is key!, fluff pretty much, hope this is okay!, not sure how to tag?, they're soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:54:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29018526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeastranger/pseuds/likeastranger
Summary: She leans forward and down, just slightly, and kisses Fatin. She kisses Fatin in the bathroom of a dirty, smelly frat house. She kisses Fatin while she’s a little bit tipsy, they both are, and they haven’t talked about anything. She kisses Fatin and her lips are soft, soft, soft. They’re warm and coated in lip gloss that sticks to Leah’s lips when she pulls away.She kisses Fatin, and Fatin doesn’t kiss her back.Or:They're both idiots but they'll be okay.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke
Comments: 14
Kudos: 232





	i know i've kissed you before (can i try again?)

Leah had thought about kissing Fatin many times. Sometimes, it felt like she thought about it endlessly - different scenarios floating through her imagination. She’d lie in bed and think, think,  _ think  _ about Fatin and her bright smile, her sparkling eyes and her gentle hands. 

  
  


(The way Fatin’s smile always seemed to grow when Leah walked into a room. The way Fatin’s eyes were always focused on her, even when they weren’t talking. The way Fatin’s hands would reach for Leah, like she always knew what Leah was thinking.) 

  
  


Leah thought that, if she ever had the pleasure to kiss Fatin, it would be special. She thought that it would come after an admission of mutual feelings, after a proper first date and hand holding. She thought it would be  _ perfect _ . 

  
  


She should’ve known better. 

  
  


It’s her own fault, really. She should’ve anticipated it. (Leah always loves too hard, can’t stop herself from falling, doesn’t  _ want  _ to stop herself.) They’ve been friends for about a year now, though Leah swears they were never strangers. 

  
  


The second they met, Leah felt something deep in her stomach, like a small magnet  _ pulling  _ her towards Fatin, like something in the universe wants them to be side by side, always. Fatin doesn’t seem to mind, just accepts Leah with open arms and a wide smile. 

  
  


It happens gradually from there - little moments building and building until suddenly Leah is in love with her best friend. It hits her unexpectedly in her chest one day, they’re getting coffee (like they do every Sunday,) and Leah glances at Fatin, who is wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, her hair up in a messy bun and makeup smudged from the night before, and Leah realizes that she wants to lean over and kiss her. 

  
  


(She doesn’t. She bottles the feeling up, files it away in the back of her mind, listening to Fatin talk about her hookup from the previous night.) 

  
  


That was four months ago. 

  
  


Leah was holding up well, all things considered. She’s managed to keep herself in check, managed to keep her eyes and hands to herself, for the most part. She listens to Fatin talk about her weekly hookups and tries her best to act happy. (After all, Fatin doesn’t do feelings.) 

  
  


Leah has it  _ totally under control _ until they’re at a party, their last one before they go their separate ways for spring break (Fatin to Miami, Leah is going home to see her parents.) They’re both tipsy, pleasantly so, Leah feels the light buzz in her skin. She’s seen Fatin flirt with a few guys throughout the night, but none of them seem to live up to her standard. 

  
  


(Leah’s thankful that she doesn’t have to personally witness Fatin kiss someone else.) 

  
  


Fatin doesn’t leave her side all night, keeps a hand on her arm or the small of her back, grounding her. Sometimes, when Leah gets anxious and starts to pick at her fingernails, Fatin reaches over and holds her hand. Leah tries not to read into it. 

  
  


It starts when a drunk frat guy spills his red drink on Leah’s white sweater. 

  
  


“Hey, asshole! Watch where you’re stepping,” Fatin says, about to grab the guy, who is already stumbling away, by the arm. Leah stops her with a soft hand on the shoulder. 

  
  


“It’s fine,” Fatin turns to look at her, assesses the damage to her sweater, “I shouldn’t have worn white to a college party anyway…” 

  
  


“Well, how could you not when it looks so good on you?” Fatin jokes, Leah tries not to blush, “C’mon, I’ll get you cleaned up.” 

  
  


Fatin takes her wrist, her thumb resting gently over Leah’s pulsepoint in a way that feels entirely too intimate, and pulls her into a bathroom, locking the door. She taps the counter, gesturing for Leah to sit. Leah lifts herself up, trying to balance on the edge. Fatin busies herself, getting a washcloth and hydrogen peroxide from the cabinet. 

  
  


“This stuff is great for stains,” she says, wetting the cloth and standing in front of Leah, “I’ll have it out in no time.” She winks, then, much to Leah’s horror, she gently pries Leah’s legs open and steps between them. Leah tries to regulate her breathing, glances to the ceiling and ignores the pit growing in her stomach. 

  
  


Fatin stands there, like it’s no big deal, and starts to gently scrub at the stain on Leah’s sweater. All Leah can think about is how close Fatin is, how she can see the small scar on her left cheek. How she can smell Fatin’s ridiculously overpriced shampoo. How Fatin gets this adorable look of concentration on her face when she’s focused. Leah’s heart is beating so loudly that she’s worried that Fatin can hear it, or see it popping out of her chest. 

  
  


Then Fatin pulls away, just slightly, and says, “You’re good as new.” And she’s smiling that smile that only Leah gets to see, with that spark in her eyes and Leah’s moving before she realizes it. 

  
  


She leans forward and down, just slightly, and kisses Fatin. She kisses Fatin in the bathroom of a dirty, smelly frat house. She kisses Fatin while she’s a little bit tipsy, they both are, and they haven’t talked about anything. She kisses Fatin and her lips are soft, soft,  _ soft _ . They’re warm and coated in lip gloss that sticks to Leah’s lips when she pulls away. 

  
  


She kisses Fatin, and Fatin doesn’t kiss her back. 

  
  


Fatin is looking at her, wide eyed and confused, and Leah feels the tears coming right away. 

  
  


“Fuck,” Leah hops off the counter, lightly forcing Fatin to step aside, “ _ Fuck _ , I’m so sorry.”

  
  


“Leah…” Fatin looks at her with a furrowed brow, but Leah’s hand is already on the doorknob. She’s pulling it open and running down the stairs, out the door. She’s not sure if Fatin follows her because she doesn’t look back, she’s got tears running down her cheeks and she’s trying not to panic while standing on a street corner. 

  
  


When she gets back to her dorm room, she’s thankful that Dot already left for break. She sits and cries, realizing that she probably just fucked up the most important relationship she’s ever had. She thinks about Fatin’s lips and how perfect they felt. She thinks about how Fatin looked at her, confused and unsure. She thinks about how she’s going to lose her. 

  
  


Fatin tries to call her, text her, but Leah doesn’t answer. She’s not ready for the rejection just yet. When she leaves to catch her flight home the next day, Fatin isn’t there to tell her goodbye. 

  
  
  
  
  


Spring break goes better than she’d expected. It was nice to see her parents, spend time with them. She talks to Dot, Toni and Nora on the phone over the course of the week. Dot’s with her dad, Martha went home, Toni and Shelby took a camping trip, and Nora and Rachel are visiting their cousins in Maine. 

  
  


That leaves Fatin, who has tried to call her multiple times everyday, text her and even DM her on twitter. Leah ignores her, too embarrassed to confront the situation. 

  
  


(Doesn’t want to think about what Fatin will say. Doesn’t want to think about Fatin reminding her that they’re  _ just friends _ , that Fatin  _ doesn’t do feelings _ , and even if she did, it wouldn’t be for someone like Leah.)

  
  


So, they don’t talk for a week and three days. It’s the longest they’ve gone without taking since they met. She’s surprised when she arrives back to her dorm room to see that Fatin isn’t waiting there for her (she tries not to feel disappointed.) 

  
  


She’s in the middle of catching up with Dot when their door bursts open to reveal Fatin, in jeans and a crop top, standing with a serious look on her face. 

  
  


“Hey, Fatin! How was your-” 

  
  


“Dorothy,” Fatin takes a measured breath, “Would you mind giving us the room?” 

  
  


Dot looks from Leah, back to Fatin, then back to Leah before she nods. She grabs a few things, shoves them into her backpack and gives Leah a  _ good fucking luck _ look before leaving. And Leah can use all the luck she can get, because Fatin is pacing. 

  
  


(Yes, Fatin, the chillest, most mellow person she’s ever met is  _ pacing  _ in front of Leah.)

  
  


It’s unbearably quiet for a few minutes, just the sound of Fatin’s shoes on their carpet, back and forth. Leah watches her, eyes wide with an apology ready in her mind. 

  
  


“Fatin, I’m so-” 

  
  


“You fucker!” Fatin yells, pointing a finger at Leah, “How fucking dare you!” 

  
  


She’s standing still now, just waving her finger in Leah’s face. Leah notices that her eyes look tired, she doesn’t look like she just spent a week in paradise. 

  
  


Leah tries again, “I’m so sorry, I had no-” 

  
  


“You’re sorry?” Fatin laughs, but there's no humor behind it, “I was worried sick. I had to text your  _ mom  _ to be sure you made it home okay because you wouldn't answer my calls.” 

  
  


“I-” 

  
  


“A week of radio silence! An entire fucking week, Leah. I couldn’t think about anything else.” 

  
  


Leah feels a pang of guilt, “I didn’t mean to worry you.” 

  
  


“You know, next time you decide you don’t want to be friends anymore, just tell me. Don’t fucking ghost me like I mean nothing to you.” Fatin says, and Leah hears her voice crack, “I thought - I thought we were more than that.” 

  
  


Leah stands, hands awkwardly resisting the need to reach for Fatin and pull her in, “We were.”

  
  


“Were? Past tense.” Fatin mumbles, and Leah sees a tear rolling down her cheek. 

  
  


“No!” Leah redirects, “We  _ are _ . I mean, I want to be, still, if you do.” 

  
  


Leah thinks about things - how she’s already gone this far, she might as well go all the way. 

  
  


“I’m sorry I kissed you,” she says, “I had no right to do that. I shouldn’t have done it without asking you. I just - I just need to get over it.”

  
  


“Get over what?” Fatin says, and Leah takes comfort in the fact that she isn’t yelling anymore.

  
  


“You.” Leah says, “Or, wanting to be with you.” 

  
  


“You want to be with me?” Fatin says, pointing at herself. 

  
  


“I mean...yeah. That’s why I kissed you.” 

  
  


Fatin is silent for a long time, looking at Leah, then away, then back again. 

  
  


“You kissed me because you  _ like  _ me?” 

  
  


Leah holds back a laugh, “Yes, that is the reason most people kiss.” 

  
  


“You don’t just want to fuck me?” Fatin asks, a genuine look of confusion on her face. 

  
  


“ _ What  _ ?” 

  
  


“I thought...you were drunk and I thought you just wanted-” Fatin cuts off, shaking her head, “Usually, when people kiss me that's what they want. Which is okay, most of the time. But with you I couldn't…” 

  
  


“Fatin, you thought I just wanted a one night stand?” 

  
  


“More or less, yeah.” 

  
  


Now, Leah does laugh, a watery and disbelieving laugh, “I’ve had a crush on you for months. Maybe longer. But I know you don’t do feelings, and I was trying, so hard, to get over it but you were standing there and you’re so fucking pretty it’s unfair and I just...kissed you.” 

  
  


“I’m so fucking pretty, huh?” Fatin asks, some of her usual bravado back in her voice. 

  
  


“That’s what you’re going to take from that statement?” Leah shakes her head, “Yes, Fatin. You are, by far, the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on.” 

  
  


And now Fatin is laughing, running her hand through her hair. 

  
  


“You kissed me because you like me. Because you want to be in a relationship. With me.” 

  
  


“Fuck, Fatin,  _ yes _ . You don’t have to keep repeating it.”

  
  


Then Fatin is surging forward, wrapping her arms around Leah’s neck and hugging her. It’s muscle memory at this point, how her arms wrap around Fatin’s waist, pulling her close, close,  _ close  _ until their entire bodies are touching. Fatin’s face is buried in the crook of Leah’s neck, her hands clasped gently on the back of Leah’s neck. 

  
  


“I’ve missed you.” Fatin mumbles, Leah can feel her breath on her neck, “I fucking  _ missed  _ you and I thougth I’d lost you-” 

  
  


“No. I’m here.” Leah rubs small circles on Fatin’s back, “I’m so sorry I messed things up.” 

  
  


Fatin laughs again, pulling away slightly, until her hands are hooked around Leah’s neck, their faces close together. 

  
  


“You’re an idiot.” she says gently. Then, she pulls Leah down gently and kisses her. 

  
  


Fatin is kissing her and it’s somehow better than the first time. She’s not wearing lip gloss this time, but her lips are just as soft. And they’re not in some dirty frat house, no, they’re in Leah’s room, where they’ve spent countless hours talking and laughing together. They’re kissing and Fatin is kissing her back. 

  
  


Fatin is smiling against her lips and pulling her closer. She’s sighing into Leah’s mouth and gently biting Leah’s bottom lip before she slips her tongue into Leah’s mouth and  _ fuck  _ \- 

  
  


“So, you like me, too?” Leah asks, pulling away, breathless. 

  
  


“Like might be a bit of an understatement,” Fatin says, kissing the corner of her mouth, “But yes, I  _ like  _ you, Leah Rilke.” 

  
  


“Well, I like you, too.” 

  
  


“We’ve established that.” Fatin jokes, pushing Leah back until she’s sitting on her bed, “We like each other. We’re both idiots.” 

  
  


“You’re not an idiot.” 

  
  


“Babe,” Fatin says, sitting next to her and joining their hands, “You’re going soft already.” 

  
  


“Am not.” (Except she totally is. And she’s blushing because Fatin called her  _ babe _ .) 

  
  


“You so are,” Fatin runs her fingers over Leah’s palm, “It’s okay. I like it.” 

  
  


(Leah thinks back, to all the times she’s thought about kissing Fatin, and how none of those scenarios could’ve been better than this. Fatin, here, with her, liking her back. Fatin, gently rubbing patterns over Leah’s skin while she tells her about her trip. Fatin, lightly scolding her for her radio silence, making her promise to never do it again. Fatin, kissing her again and again and again.)

  
  
  
  
  


When Dot comes back three hours later, she finds them asleep, curled up on Leah’s bed (still fully clothed,  _ thank god. _ ) She snaps a quick picture and sends it in their group chat. 

  
  


**Dot 9:47** It finally happened. 

  
  


**Toni 9:48** HOLY SHIT !!!

  
  


**Martha 9:48** YES!

  
  


**Nora 9:49** <3 

  
  


**Shelby 9:50** Finally!! So happy for them. 

  
  


**Rachel 9:50** Okay, so Toni owes me $20 because they got together before summer break. 

  
  


**Toni 9:51** Ugh, fine. A deals a deal. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all liked it! I wrote this instead of sleeping!! Thank you for reading :)


End file.
